I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
