I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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