I just threw up on my dentist
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
