If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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