these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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