i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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