First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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