I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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