just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We don't watch enough power rangers
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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