oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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