My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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