do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
