I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
