wake up i wanna do it froggy style
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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