Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
