party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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