Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
