There was a lot of him and a little penis
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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