you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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