I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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