Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
