She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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