You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
