I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
