so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize