everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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