i permit you to call me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
