you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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