Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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