she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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