You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
