At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I could make wine with my vomit
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
