I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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