So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
