I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize