is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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