If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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