we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
