You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize