We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
