nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
