Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
