Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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