There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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