david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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