Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
