Whod you bang
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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