Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
