I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
