another moral hangover. fuck.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
