My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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