guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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