i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
