Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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