I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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