I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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