I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize