I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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