On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
