My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
