well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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