You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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