spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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