Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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