If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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