My friends, they love my intelligence
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
