why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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