by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
