I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
