awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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