I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
